A friend once told me that I was the most uptight laid-back person she had ever met.
For better or worse, the seeming oxymoron of a description of a person seems to fit me all too well. It also seems to describe my current situation.
I went from feeling suffocated by the strict scheduling of my work/training/life juggling act in San Francisco, to not knowing what the fuck to do with myself in this floater phase that I’ve found myself back in.
I don’t have a regular job, but I don’t necessarily feel relaxed.
For now, I’m trying to strike a balance between allowing myself to be present (aka, chilling out), allowing myself to enjoy the perks of being in-between work, and keeping my eyes on the future.
On taking advice
I’m in a space of life where I’m receiving a lot of advice. And here’s the thing: I truly want to talk to everyone and explore the plethora of options that life has to offer. But, I have to say, the responses have been kind of all over the place.
Why don’t you just get a full running sponsorship? (Ha!)
You should look into a career in computer programming.
Isn’t journalism dead anyway?
You should pull on your spandex, walk into a gym, and demand a job as a personal trainer just based of athleticism.
You’re batshit crazy for even thinking about leaving San Francisco.
You’re batshit crazy for even thinking about living in San Francisco in the first place.
You’re just batshit crazy. Period.
Through all of this, I’ve drawn one conclusion: I am the only one who is to make my life decisions.
SHOCKING, I know. Is this what growing up is?
Studying for class, I mean life…
Lately, I’ve found myself gravitating toward literature and film/video relating to living life, for lack of a better description.
Here’s what I’ve intellectually consumed within the past couple months, for anyone who wants to follow the made-up class that I’ve haphazardly constructed for myself.
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
- Abundance: The Future is Better Than You Think by Peter Diamandis and Steven Kotler
- Happiness (a documentary)
- Bossypants by Tina Fey
- The 4-hour Work Week by Tim Ferris (in progress)
I’m not running to the self-help section of the bookstore and sobbing in a hernia-inducing manner or anything. I’m merely insatiably fascinated by the different ways that people have found to live, the different ways that people find fulfillment on a regular basis.
I’m confident that I’m exactly where I need to be right now, and I’m determined to explore the different ways people make the jigsaw puzzle of life work.
*Disclaimer: For anyone who hasn’t read Bossypants, you may actually be putting yourself at risk for a hernia from laughing too hard.
I’m back in Santa Rosa, soaking up the absurdly beautiful February weather, the red-dirt trails of Annadel State Park, and trying to prove my worth as a daughter by doing dishes and dropping my mom off at work in the morning.
That should do it, right?
My first real race of the season will be Gate River on March 9 in Jacksonville, FL for the USA 15k Championships (I admit, I didn’t know there was such a thing as a USA 15k Championship before this…but why the hell not?!). As the date creeps closer, it is becoming apparent that the volunteer elite coordinator Richard Fannin does a hell of a job pulling in athletes. The field is going to be ridiculous, and I can’t wait to be in that atmosphere, surrounded by badasses. AND three other ladies that run for SRA will be there, making a team score possible.
In the meantime, I’m working on getting work, and picking up freelance jobs on the side. My hope is to find some type of part-time work that will allow me to continue pursuing my freelance and running bum ambitions simultaneously.