As I continue to perpetuate the now over five months of constant movement, I’ve come up against two issues that a self-proclaimed hobo, like myself, should have mastered by now.
I’m not sure if it’s plain stupidity and/or stubbornness, but I have failed to actually address these until semi-recently.
So, without further ado, here’s my first attempt…
Ah, goodbyes. I am god-awful at them.
I also realize that the style that I’m living in calls for an inordinate amount of goodbyes. It requires me to essentially be doing as much goodbye-ing as hello-ing. Which is why sometimes I just don’t do it. I survey the goodbye scene, and decide just to bow out before many really notice that I’ve gone.
Maybe it’s because I have somehow inherited a similar view to legitimate goodbyes as Peter Pan…?
“Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting.” – Mr. Pan
I’m adopting a loose interpretation of that quote, to help me explain my sentiments. I also find it slightly amusing that I’m finding great meaning in a quote from a character who refuses to grow up.
The truth is, every person in my life owns a certain amount of me. They’ve shaped a certain part of me that will never be undone, and I could never express that in a simple “goodbye.”
However, I’ve given this some thought. Though my lifestyle perpetuates an ordinate dose of ‘goodbye,’ by default, it also gives me just as much ‘hello.’ So, I’m trying to choose hello, to my best ability. It’s difficult for me to really wrap my head around a legitimate goodbye. In my head, we’re going to meet up in the future sometime.
Goodbyes have changed in meaning for me, perhaps merely as a coping mechanism. They’re best made with a hug, and a knowing smile. They’re more like a strategic or necessary pause than a complete severing of lives.
However, some people don’t make it easy on me.
Yes, that’s my leg that she’s holding on to. Sure makes it a lot more difficult to put my peacefully philosophical “goodbye” to practice.
This topic is quite a bit lighter, but in all seriousness, packing is my kryptonite. I avoid it at all costs.
Part of it is because I have this constant fear that whatever I bring will never be quite enough. I usually end up throwing as much as I can into my car in the limited time I’ve left myself.
Example: I need to be leaving to Folsom (my first post-collegiate race is tomorrow morning-yip! More on that later…) in less than two hours. And here I am, writing a blog post. Yep.
Self-sabotage? Naw. This has got to be pure mental and physical laziness.
I’d love to prolong my ramblings, but I should probably go pack now…or take a powernap.
More wanderings brewing, and some recent past to share still. Stay tuned!